Finding common ground (and shoes) for a smoother exit
Leaving the House (Almost) Together: Syncing Up on “Ready to Go”
Welcome back! In the last issue, we covered how I prioritise tasks before heading out and the frustration that my partner doesn’t see things the same say 😩
Today, let’s go deeper into a tricky topic: how to influence other’s priorities without feeling like you’re bulldozing your way through their plans. The goal is to have shared priorities that are genuine, effective, and workable for both sides. It's more art than science and definitely requires patience. So let’s break it down.
1. First Things First: Truly Understand Their Perspective
It’s easy to think someone else’s priorities don’t make sense if we haven’t taken the time to truly understand where they’re coming from. In this case, while I’m fully ready to step out (shoes on, coat zipped, ready to go), my partner wasn’t even close—no shoes, no coat, and focused on refilling the essential oil diffuser.
Instead of assuming what they want or need, try to ask clarifying questions and look for the core desire underneath their priorities.
How to Meet in the Middle:
Ask Open-Ended Questions: Start by understanding what’s driving their focus. I asked, “What’s the main thing you’re trying to get done before we leave?” Sometimes, these questions reveal unexpected priorities or routines they need to close out before feeling fully comfortable to leave.
Identify the Core Need: In this case, my partner's focus on the diffuser suggested a need for the space to feel fresh and welcoming when we return. It’s not about delaying; it’s about coming back to a relaxing environment. Recognising this core need helps reframe the distraction as an intentional act, not just an obstacle.
Highlight the Shared Goal: Find common ground. Here, it could be that we both want to leave feeling prepared, calm, and like we’ve left a pleasant space behind. Acknowledging this makes it easier to find solutions that support both priorities—leaving on time and maintaining a nice return environment.
2. Offer Options – and Let Them Own the Cost of Each
Providing options empowers the other person to choose a path forward, which leads to buy-in and avoids the feeling of being pushed. This approach works best if each option has a clear cost or worst-case scenario.
Imagine these options for a “ready-to-go” plan:
Option A: Standard Checklist Beforehand
This option involves running through a quick checklist before the final “go” moment (keys, wallet, phone).Cost: Feel rigid and a slight delay in leaving, as we cross-out the checklist every time we leave.
Option B: Set a Final “Readiness” Minute
Set a hard readiness deadline before you both have to leave. If it’s agreed on, then at, say, 9:55 a.m., everything needs to be ready, and it’s time to head out and I will not wait.Cost: Less flexibility, as they’re committing to being ready by a certain time.
Option C: Flexible Prep with a Drop-Dead Time
Build-in buffer time for last-minute tasks while setting a drop-dead time to be out the door.Cost: Unpredictability, but it also allows them room to move through their pre-departure routine.
After presenting the options, ask which cost is the least bearable for them and why. This gets them to identify their true priority within the options and gives you insight into where flexibility might exist.
Why Ask for Their Preference?
When someone voices a preference, they become more invested in making that approach work. It's no longer about you enforcing your priorities; it’s about creating something that respects both perspectives.
3. Create a Clear Action Plan with Defined Milestones
Once you settle on an option, it’s essential to break down the milestones clearly. Misalignment often happens when definitions differ, even on simple terms like “ready.” Take time to go through what each step actually means.
Let’s return to the “ready-to-go” example:
Agree on “Ready to Go” Terms
Define what “ready to go” means together. For you, it could mean fully dressed with everything on hand. For them, it might mean nearly ready but needing a final check.
Set Specific Milestones
Milestone 1: Cat has food for the day.
Milestone 2: Shoes and coat on five minutes before the departure time.
Milestone 3: Final checklist done one minute before departure.
Check-in and Adjust
After a few times trying this approach, do a quick retrospective. What worked well? Was there something you both overlooked? Small tweaks will make the plan smoother over time.
Final Thoughts: Influence Without Imposing
Changing someone’s priorities takes patience and a genuine willingness to meet them halfway. Remember, influencing isn’t about control; it’s about finding harmony between your needs and theirs.
Give it a try the next time you and someone else have to sync up on priorities. And as always, let me know how it goes! What methods have worked for you when trying to influence without pushing too hard?